Hunting for Happiness
The search for that which already lies within.
At the age of 25, I chose to leave everything I’d known behind and move from a small town in Kentucky to the bustling (by comparison) city of Honolulu, Hawaii.
Paradise wasn’t all it was cracked up to be.
My job overwhelmed me. I had no friends on the island. No family. I felt insufferably alone. Every day was miserable. My hair started falling out due to stress. I found myself chronically unhappy. I was on the brink of giving up, flying back to Kentucky, and returning to the comfort zone I’d known so well.
It was around that time that I was introduced to the idea of choosing happiness. Choosing to focus on what I wanted rather than what I didn’t want.
Initially, I thought the suggestion was ridiculous. Happiness wasn’t a choice! I was in a crappy situation. Misery and discontent were natural byproducts of such a thing.
But something in that message continued to call to me. Trying it couldn’t hurt.
I started simply. On my way to work, I would continuously repeat to myself, “Today is going to be a good day. Today is going to be a good day. Today is going to be a good day.”
Within a week, my days began to improve.
I then began to focus on more of what I wanted. “Today is going to be a good day! I’m thankful that I get along with my coworkers. I’m thankful that I have an easy job at which I am successful. I’m thankful that I have money to meet all my needs.”
On the days that I couldn’t muster the necessary effort to make up my own affirmations, I would instead listen to daily affirmation videos as I got ready for work in the mornings. In the evenings before bed, I would write in my gratitude journal every single good thing that had happened that day. Each journal entry started with, “Today was a good day!” and I made the choice to record only the good things that had happened. These were often simple things, such as the sun shining, making it to work on time, or having a positive interaction with someone.
Each day, I made a conscious effort to shift my focus from things that annoyed, frustrated, or stressed me out to things that I liked, enjoyed, or was thankful for.
My perspective gradually shifted, and my life followed. My relationship with my coworkers improved. My job became less stressful as I became better at it. I even got a raise.
Fast forward six months.
A coworker I didn’t well know approached me. “You seem to be a happy person. Are you?”
I was taken aback. For one, my happiness was a relatively recent achievement. For two, I do not look happy, regardless of whether I am or not. As a chronic sufferer of RMF (Resting Morose Face), I had never received such a comment. I’ve had countless strangers stop me to ask what was wrong, tell me to smile, give me reassurances that life would get better, or anything else that you may say to a person who wears a mournful expression, but I’d never had someone see beyond my RMF to notice my optimistic, happy aura.
“Yes,” I said. “I am a happy person.”
“Why are you so happy?” she asked.
I said the first thing that came to mind. “I choose to be.”
If you fall into a murky pond, you have two options.
Option 1) Focus on the murky water. You’re completely submerged in it. It makes sense to focus on that. Accept the reality that you will drown.
Option 2) Focus on swimming towards the surface. This may be difficult. The surface may seem beyond your grasp. But this is the only option that offers a chance at surviving and improving your circumstances.
You will still feel the effects of the water. You may be wet and cold, but at least you can breathe. At least you can now swim towards shore.
Life is inevitably filled with ups and downs. Give and take. Good and bad. It’s inescapable. This rollercoaster will not stop until your heartbeat does. Yet, what you focus on is what you see.
You cannot control outside forces, but you can control your reaction to them. You have the ability to choose what you place your focus on.
“Today, I am happy, because I choose to be.”
